What about bisexuals and stepping out of a heterosexual marriage for male sex on the side?
"I cheated" - from The Daily Telegraph, Australia
Rick Brentlinger Answers -
Recently I received these questions from two married men who, though married, also struggle with same sex attraction. Both these questions could be summarized as asking: "I've been married for years but now I think I'm gay - what do I do?"
AND "Is it okay to step outside my heterosexual marriage to have male-male sex?"
"I have been married for 25 years and recently discovered that I am Gay. As I am in the latter stages of my reprogramming process, I still have my doubts as to my sexuality. So, I have kept my coming out to a minimum.
I am hesitant to introduce the possibility of my being gay into my marriage until i am certain of it and ready to leave if necessary.
I do what I can without causing problems inside the marriage to satisfy my gay needs, both social and sexual.
Being Christian, I still wonder what to do?" -Anonymous
"What happens to me who is in love and married to a woman yet loves to satisfy my attraction to another man in a gay relationship at the same time being a good husband to my wife who knows of my relationship with another man who knows I am married?" -Mormanlee
Is there a practical, Spirit-filled, scriptural answer for questions about bisexuality and honoring one's marriage commitment? I believe the Bible does give us a solid scriptural answer about marital faithfulness.
Adultery - stepping out of your marriage to have sex with someone other than your marriage partner - is sin. Sin needs to be repented of.
On the question of bisexuality, society and laws in most western societies require you to make a choice - to whom will you be faithful?
"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." -Isaiah 53:4-5
Jesus was always faithful
Jesus gave all of us the best example of faithfulness by going to the Cross, laying down His life when He could have saved it and dying in our place. When you get tempted to step out of your marriage and cheat on your wife, remember the faithfulness of Jesus.
When you get tempted to ignore your marriage vows and cheat on your wife, remember the faithfulness of Jesus. It used to be that a man's word was his bond. If a man or woman gave his/her word, that was as good as a written contract. Cheating on your spouse is cheating whether its with a man or a woman.
Somehow our modern, Me, Me, Me culture has backed away from marital faithfulness and keeping one's word. If a man or woman is unhappy or unfulfilled in a marriage, the first thing to do is
talk it out and pray it out with your spouse. You owe each other at least that much. To be blunt, its not okay to cheat on your wife.
If you spouse is not willing to pray and talk it out with you then you are still bound to make scriptural, Spirit-filled decisions. Its not okay to cheat on your wife with the excuse that she doesn't understand your needs.The second thing to do is
spend time studying the Bible to see if God has some instructions for you about marriage. Important passages to study include:
- Matthew 19:3-12
- 1 Corinthians 7
- Ephesians 5
- 1 Peter 3
Talking and praying about it together and studying the Bible together (on your own if she refuses to pray and study with you) should provide the input you need to get some direction from God.
I don't view this as a secret decision that men have the right to make on their own. You owe it to your wives to explain exactly what's going on and get their input.
There are no easy answers to the questions life throws at us. Sometimes we are required to make difficult decisions and often, those decisions cause emotional pain. Our goal as Bible believing Christians is to make the most spiritual and scriptural decision we can make. Our goal is to make a decision that honors God and His word, rightly divided.
In my opinion, stepping outside your marriage to have male-male sex is adultery. It is sinful and is not conduct God will bless, 1 Corinthians 7:2-9, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-9.
Faithfulness requires you to be true to your wife until she is no longer your wife. If you can't be true to the lady you're with now, whom you vowed to love and honor, your unfaithful conduct to her will probably carry over to whatever male-male relationship you start.
I encourage you to read the following Links which provide additional information and Biblical perspective. Your life will serve as an example or a warning for others. Which one your life becomes is up to you.
"Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31, American King James Version
Helpful LinksA life of frustration.What advice do you have for a Mormon who is heterosexually married and struggling with gay feelings?What is the purpose of committed gay relationships?Does Romans 1:26 condemn lesbians?Is there any evidence of an actual gay marriage in the Bible?Why do homosexuals believe that homosexuality is not a sin?We've answered the question: What about bisexuals and stepping out of a heterosexual marriage for male sex on the side? Click here to return to: Gay Christian 101 Home Page.