What advice do you have for a Mormon who is heterosexually married and struggling with gay feelings?

by Moremanlee

God gives us grace to be faithful

God gives us grace to be faithful

Rick Brentlinger Answers -

Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty.
Go directly to Moremanlee's story. The only way I can answer is to be honest with you in return. God has a purpose for your life which involves your eternal salvation.

For that reason, the first thing to do is make absolutely sure of your own personal salvation. The starting point for dealing with God is to know FOR SURE that you are saved. Nothing is more important than that.

These Links are a good place to start, to know for sure that you are saved and that your salvation is forever.

  1. Understand the reality of hell.

  2. Understand Who Jesus is according to the Bible.

  3. Understand what it means to repent of your sins.

  4. Understand how to be saved according to the Bible.

  5. Understand that once you are saved, your salvation is forever.

  6. Understand why Christians are not under the Law of Moses in the Old Testament.

The second thing to do is make up your mind that as long as you are married to your wife, you will be faithful to her. That means not having gay affairs on the side. The Bible is clear that adultery is wrong. Jesus encourages husbands to be faithful to their wives, Mark 10:8, Matthew 5:27-28, 19:5.

For a slightly different view of this issue, here is a very similar question and answer. Why is it biblically wrong for a heterosexually married gay person to have a gay relationship outside of marriage?

Jesus said: "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
-Matthew 5:27-28

I am not a professional counselor so I am not qualified to advise you about why you struggle with same sex feelings. It is possible that some of your confusion is based on what happened to you as a child at the hands of your cousins.

I do know this. The God of the Bible is an awesome and faithful God. When we come to Him with an honest heart, seriously desiring an answer, He will answer. His answer may not be what we want to hear but His answer will always be what we need to hear.

Whatever conclusions you draw about staying with your wife and being a faithful Christian husband to her or deciding something different is a decision that should only be made after you get saved and she gets saved. Then you two can pray about your future together.

The third thing is to read the following information with an open mind and a believing heart. What you have been taught in the LDS church about salvation and God and Jesus is not the truth. The only way to find the truth about God is replace what you were taught in Mormonism with the absolute truth of the Bible.

I am praying for you and others who read this will also be praying for you that God will answer the cry of your heart, save you for all eternity and show you the path of His purpose for the rest of your life.

Excellent Information About
Mormonism and the Bible

1. Mormonism and Bible Christianity compared side by side.

Many LDS beliefs contradicts the Bible. For example, the God of Mormonism is not the God of the Bible and the Jesus of Mormonism is not the historical Jesus of the Bible.

2. Utah Lighthouse Ministries - the most extensive resources on the web about the history of Mormonism.

3. Compare LDS claims with what the Bible says.

4. Differences between Mormonism and Christianity.

5. Answering Mormon beliefs from the Bible.

6. Ed Decker, a former Mormon who got saved and Dr. Walter Martin on Mormonism and the Bible.

This is the full text
of Moremanlee's story

"I am a Christian, I believe it with every fiber and life's blood of my being and with every part of my invisibility.

I have studied with many faiths, including Islamic, Buddhist, and Hindu. I have been baptized and ordained to the High Priesthood of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon Church) and have born testimony of it's truly only divinely authorized Church of Jesus Christ on the Earth today.

My father was of the Church of England Church and my mother was baptized in the Re-organized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but claimed to be Presbyterian, They were married in the Methodist Church and sent us children to the Baptist Church for instruction.

My eldest sister became strong with the Anglican and taught Sunday School lessons, married there, and remains faithful there.

My other older sister was baptized in the Baptist and married in the Salvation Army and now practices with them.

My older brother became a preacher with the Baptist Assembly of God Church and has served eleven years with them as a missionary on the Island of Vanuatu and is faithful with them.

My younger sister just wants to worship God in her own way even though she was baptized into the Mormon Church after I baptized my parents into the Mormon Church, and my youngest sister is a Lesbian who won't have anything to do with religion.

My youngest brother says everything is OK as far as he is concerned and just wants to live and let live, though he says he believes in Christ and knows that the Mormon Church is the only true and authorized Church.

Since the age of 4 until now, I have had same sex attraction because of the persuasions of my teenage male cousins when I was so young, maybe. It must have been part of me to have continued with me, though I have tried desperately to shake it and suppress it and have sought counsel and therapy.

I am now married, and been faithful to the teachings of the Church until 1999 when I couldn't handle it any longer and kicked my second wife out of our home and began a gay relationship for four years. My partner was jailed for having committed a crime and so I went back to my second wife.

I love her and don't want to hurt her or leave her, but my attraction and desires for a gay relationship are more than I can bear at times.

What do you suggest that I do? I am at this time unable to attend with the Mormon Church as I am disfellowshiped and therefore attend with the Brethren Assembly where I have been welcomed but without the knowledge of my orientation and dare not make it known to them.

I have earnestly prayed for help, guidance, and inspiration from the Holy Spirit and have eventually ended up here with you.

After finding GayChristian101.com I have been ever so anxious to connect with people who have had experiences such as my own in life and what they have done may be of value to me in my predicament.

I have much of your information but not all and I will continue to study the rest of the information published on your website.

Your suggestions, ideas, and attention for me on this situation would be of great value to me at this time of frustration. God bless - you and your net work will always be in my prayers from now on."

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Comments for What advice do you have for a Mormon who is heterosexually married and struggling with gay feelings?

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Nov 14, 2009
Destiny by Decision
by: Moremanlee

I appreciate the kindness of your heart in giving me the advice and direction you have posted.

I love it when some one expresses care with love and concern for some one else.

Thank you for pointing me to the scriptures in your answers to my questions...

(There was more to this Comment which I did not publish because it was off-topic.)

Nov 14, 2009
conclusion to the previous comments I posted
by: Moremanlee

I have never said in my original post that I was struggling with gay feelings,

(You said: "Since the age of 4 until now, I have had same sex attraction because of the persuasions of my teenage male cousins when I was so young, maybe. It must have been part of me to have continued with me, though I have tried desperately to shake it and suppress it and have sought counsel and therapy."

and you did say you were in a gay relationship while also being married to a woman.)

but that the frustrations I was having was with men who exercised unrighteous dominion over me, and my need to know of people who had similar struggles with men of such attitudes in authority, which was why I had studied your website and sought your input...

I have learned much from your website and find it to be a most productive investigation every time we read from it.

The relationship I have with my gay partner and my wife... is criticized by those who don't and won't accept it.

They have no respect for our different way of life that we have chosen...

We are judged and discriminated against in the most cruel and emotional way, trying to turn us against each other with their words of disgust and jokes of disrespect.

But once again I thank you for your kind concern and words of admonition for us.

Nov 17, 2009
by: Moremanlee

I thank you for publishing my reply to your concerns and direction. Yes it is true what you have printed in the full context of that which I have written.

And it was a struggle when I felt that I was so evil to have had such feelings as I had in my younger life having been told that homosexuality was sin and abominable. And this being drummed into me that God would punish me unless I repented it gave such great agony of guilt.
While I was single before marriage I would have relationships with a man but was very discreet and secretive because of the homophobia that existed at that time.

Even though at my later life after marriage and children things didn't change in the feelings that I endured with. My prayers were always prayers of begging for mercy and forgiveness because of the thoughts during my first marriage.

During my second marriage even though with those feelings of guilt, remorse, and pleading forgiveness I would still find myself being overpowered by desire to be with a man.

Though in my relationships it would be with the same man and this was only during my second marriage and not during my first marriage where I had my children I would suppress my desires and feelings.

I am only trying to help you understand the way it was, and though I have raised a family and denied my self of engaging in such relationships during those many years, I had the various therapies and counsel, but nothing changed the way I was...

Once again thank you. It feels so good to be able to finally tell my story and relieve me of such uncertainty as that which I have carried for so long. God bless you.

Mar 29, 2013
Seeking God's Will
by: Terry

It sounds like your life has been one of confusion and frustration, and I have great sympathy for you. There are a few issues which you need to address to lead you to greater truth and peace.

I will address Mormonism first. It is a man-made religion with many false teachings. I also went through a period of a few years in my life in the Mormon church. I attended BYU for a year, received special counseling from both a campus psychologist and a Bishop for my homosexuality, and finally came to understand that 1)Mormon theology is very flawed and non-Christian, and 2) my homosexual orientation was integral to my being and God-given.

I was also disfellowshipped when the Bishop decided I could not be fixed (made heterosexual). You have been given links to excellent materials which point out the flaws of Mormonism, so I will only give the one I finally came to understand. The LDS church teaches that we can perfect ourselves, and thus become Gods.

The Bible teaches us that we can improve ourselves with God's help, but that it isn't possible for us to attain perfection and holiness as God understands it. Only being washed by the blood of Jesus and being clothed with HIS righteousness, can we achieve sanctification - not through our own works.

Mar 29, 2013
by: Terry

As I read through your posts, it sound like you are now maintaining a relationship with both your wife and a male lover. The vast majority of orthodox Christians will deeply disapprove of this arrangement. God's deepest desire is that we love God and learn to love others - especially the person we choose to bond with in a life-long relationship. I assume you wife knows you left her once before for a same-sex relationship.

It is very important that you are being completely honest with your wife. How does she feel about your male partner? If this relationship is hurting her emotionally, then it is absolutely wrong - you will need to choose one or the other. If she is actually at peace with the arrangement (hard to imagine), then the issue is grayer for me.

Polygamy was practiced and described in the old testament, and kings often had several wives and concubines. The Apostle Paul said that Bishops should have only one wife, but made no mandate on parishioners. For me, if you plan to continue with dual relationships, you are in fairly uncharted territory for a New Testament Christian, and I would suggest extensive prayer and fasting to gain an understanding of God's will for you in this area.

Finally, I want to briefly address your sexual orientation. Playing with your cousins as a child did not cause your homosexual feelings - many straight men engaged in homosexual activity with friends when first entering puberty and before strong attractions to females developed. You are clearly either homosexual or bi-sexual.

If you choose to remain in relationship with both your wife and partner, I fear you will find little support in any Christian church I am aware of. In the end analysis, it is far more important to seek God's favor than man's. Please pray. I will pray for you also.

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