Why me Lord Why me? Update

by Murray
(Of Eudlo Queensland Australia)

About four years ago, I originally gave my testimony on this website as a gay man whom Jesus saved. Since then my God has been so good to me and I wanted to provide this follow up!

My life has been changing daily. Since centering my life on Jesus the idols that I looked to, like money, sexual gratification, love of earthly things, have diminished into the dim past. I now live only for Jesus.

I have been reading 2 Chronicles 12 about King Rehoboam. In verse 1, when he became firmly established and strong, he abandoned the law of God to follow his own idols and sin.

God left him to his own desires and he was conquered by his enemies. How easy it is for us to be conquered when our lives and thoughts are not Christ centered.

In verse 6, the king and the people humbled themselves by saying that the Lord was right in judging their sin.

I love verses 7 and 8 because the people humbled themselves before God, confessing their sin to him. His answer to them was they will become his subjects and they can learn how much better it is to serve God than it is to serve earthly rulers and the idols of this world.

O how I can say that now because I learned it by experience! With Paul I can say “without God I am nothing.” Life still has its ups and downs but by looking unto Jesus those downs seem as nothing. My dear friends, remember the new commandment that Jesus gave us, John 13:34.

"A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another as I have loved you; that you also love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples if you have love one to another."

Jesus showed this in his life and death. "No greater love than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend.” He is our example to follow.

When I read through the Gospels I notice that Jesus often moved among the outcasts, the unloved and the hurting of mankind. He loved them all. An example is the woman who was about to be stoned for adultery, John 8:1-11. Jesus saw the game the Pharisees were playing and didn't fall into the trap of judging the woman while ignoring the guilt of the man she was sinning with.

Remember what Jesus said in Luke 6:37. Do not judge others and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others or it will come back against you; forgive others and you will be forgiven.

It is so easy to judge others harshly or unfairly. It is not for us to judge with cold, hard hearts. God is the judge. Also it is so easy to condemn in others what we ourselves are doing. How can we condemn and judge others when we do not really know their life and circumstances? It's a very dangerous thing to judge. Oh, the hurtful things that people do. I have found this in my life.

Do you think that I loved my previous lifestyle? The hurtful things that were said by so called Christian people? There was no love in what was said when they judged me unfairly.

Would you have put up for most of your life, with being ridiculed and hurtful things being said, being shunned by your so called Christian brothers? All I was looking for was love. Thank God I found love in Jesus my Saviour.

No pressure was put on me by man. It was the Holy Spirit who did the work in me. I had prayed all my life that God would take away that thorn in my side (of being gay). Many a night I would go to sleep crying through the guilt that had been put on me by man, not God.

My God is a God of love. I could not change anything, man could not change anything, but God can. I still have my thorn. I am still gay. It has been given me as a gift by God to humble me before him.

He has prepared me to go out there to be available to those that are hurting, to those being judged and condemned to let them know God loves them and cares for them.

If God can save me he can do it for you too! I now go back to that wonderful Psalm 139. God knew me before I was born. He had his finger on me even then. I praise him every minute of the life I have left.

Baruch ha ba B’shem Adonai Mashiach Yeshua
Blessed is he that comes in the name of the Lord,
Messiah Jesus. God is so good and God is great. Please pray for me. Murray