How can I reconcile being lesbian and Christian?

by Jane

Great question Jane. There is no single verse which says gay and lesbian relationships are okay. I'm sometimes asked: Is there any evidence of an actual gay marriage in the Bible? My answer is, it depends.

Does something have to be in the Bible for it to be fine with God? There's no verse of scripture which says airplanes or air conditioning or central heat or grocery stores or computers or brain surgery are okay. Yet we don't refuse those things because we can't find a verse which says they're okay. Let's apply common sense reasoning to the gay marriage issue.

Accepting lesbian and gay marriages / relationships is partly a common sense issue and partly a scriptural issue. Anti-gay Christians always try to make it only a scriptural issue. They take verses out of context and insist they mean something the verses could never mean in context. Some insist that God will only bless a marriage between a man and a woman.

Some anti-gay Christians insist that sex in a committed gay relationship is always sinful.

I wrote my book and website to help people sort through these issues in a Biblical, believing, Christian, Spirit-filled, God-honoring way. When we do that, we discover that the Bible is not talking about gays and lesbians.

Sorting through complex issues is not an overnight process. It requires reading, prayer, study and thought and more reading, study, prayer and thought until truth replaces the false teaching so many of us received on the gay issue.

The best advice I can give you is to go through each of the clobber passages, especially the ones which most trouble you and learn the material on my website and in my book. On the website NavBar, under, What The Bible Says, is a good place to start. If you want to get my book, its available here. You can read reviews of my book and comments about it here.

You may also want to spend some time reading and digesting the answers to common questions people ask about being lesbian and Christian, which can be found at our Gay Christian FAQ.

Every GLBT Christian has to make a decision. Will I live by the opinion of Christians who try to put me under Old Testament Law, who try to guilt me into living by their out of context misunderstanding of the Bible OR will I live by what the word of God says, in context?

God commands Christians to live in freedom, Galatians 5:1 - "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage."

If we listen to Christians who tell us we're not free, we are not standing fast in Christ's liberty. If we allow them to put us under Law, we get entangled with the yoke of bondage and that is not God's will for our lives.

God warns us that if we try to live by the Old Testament Law, we MUST keep ALL of it, not just some parts.

Galatians 3:10 - "For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them."

Romans 6:14 - "For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under
the law, but under grace."

I choose to live in the freedom wherewith Christ has made us free, under God's grace.

I hope this is helpful to you. If you have more questions, please feel free to contact us again.

Click here to post comments

Return to
Gay Christian 101 Home Page

Are you 100% sure?

Read online books
and be encouraged!

Print and work thru
our FREE Bible Studies

Use our FREE
eDisciples resources

Original question:

I am a Christian woman searching for some answers. I am wholly, completely, and absolutely saved. By grace through faith, sealed until the day of redemption. But I am also wholly, completely and absolutely in love with another woman. I have read the Bible through more than once, attended a Christian high school and college, and have had several unfulfilling heterosexual relationships.

But I know without a doubt, like I know my own name that woman I am with right now is who I was made for and who was made for me. But how do I reconcile the two? Is there somewhere I have missed that specifically states that same sex relationships are okay?

I mean loving, committed monogamous ones? I have read many different people's interpretations of the "clobber" verses. Gen, Lev, Romans, and so on. I have read the pros and the cons. And they all have points.

They are all, (well some) written by educated, well-versed people. I have always believed that homosexuality was biblically wrong. But here I am, in a committed loving relationship with a person of the same sex. Is it all about interpretation? Or is there a end all, ironclad piece of scripture that will direct me in the way that I should go? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Comments for How can I reconcile being lesbian and Christian?

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 02, 2011
God's Grace
by: Anonymous

God cares and you are right much of the Christian material out there is hate mongering. That said I do believe that with God's grace you can conquor homosexuality.

Do I think it's easy no, do I think that God understands and cares, yes I do. Am I going to hit you over the head or suggest that homosexuality is worse then any other sin no.

You are right, many of those verses are taken out of context and if the law was enforced very few of us gay or straight would be alive today.

Mar 05, 2012
Just curious
by: Anonymous

I never knew there are homosexual Christians (esp in America), where all other religions are criticized or demonized; but did find out that there are. Does being a homosexual Christian make you hateful to other religions the same as normal Christians?

Mar 05, 2012
We love to share the gospel of God's amazing grace
by: Rick Brentlinger

Gay Christian 101 is a loving Christian group and website. We believe the Bible when it says there is only one way to God the Father and heaven. That way is through Jesus Christ.
"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6

"Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved." Acts 4:12
Jesus Christ didn’t come to earth to teach sinners to try to earn salvation by good works. Jesus came into this world to pay the sin debt none of us could pay, to die for sinners so we could get saved.

Religion gives people guidelines to live by and many religions think that is good enough to please God. Christianity is radically different because being a Christian is not about living a good life to earn salvation. Only the Bible points out that we are powerless to live a good life that pleases God until we obey God and get saved through Jesus Christ.

Every religion on earth except Christianity teaches, Be good, do your best and God will accept you. The Bible and Christianity teach just the opposite. God will not accept any good works you do. Getting saved is by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone.

We are not hateful toward other religions. Many of our group got saved out of other religious groups. Because we know what it was like being lost sinners in need of a Savior, we lovingly share the glorious gospel of Christ so that others can get saved.

We encourage everyone to stop being religious and get real. Trust Jesus Christ as your Savior and begin a glorious new life.

FREE Home Bible studies

Dec 02, 2012
Christian & Lesbian
by: Christian Lizzie

You are a lesbian and a Christian and thanks be unto God who sent the Lord Jesus to pay the price for what God deemed to be a sin. Under the law of Moses we are told that a man must not lie with a man as with a women (no homosexuality) Leviticus 20v13.

Rick's comment: Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 are about shrine prostitutes, not gays and lesbians. God has never deemed loving gay or lesbian relationships to be sinful.

Jesus brought in Grace and not only did He take away the sin but took it out of the way by abolishing Genderism in Him.

Galatians 3v28 says there is no male or female in Him. Where there is no male or female there cannot be any rules or laws that govern the genders e.g Lev 20v 13. Praise the Lord for His Grace!

Rick's comment: Your conclusion that there cannot be any laws that govern the genders flies in the face of what the Bible says. Paul is speaking in a spiritual sense, that spiritually, women and men are equal in regards to God's blessing and grace.

He does not say or imply that there are no longer any gender distinctions. To conclude that Gal 3:28 abolishes gender distinctions goes beyond what the verse says.

Dec 03, 2012
The bible did
by: Christian Lizzie

Under the law of Moses homosexuality was said to be a sin just as women wearing mens clothes ridiculous aint it???

Rick's comment: No, it did NOT say that. You are misreading it. The context is temple prostitution or shrine prostitution, NOT homosexuality. Please click on the Link: Shrine prostitutes, watch the short video and read the page. Even anti-gay Christian celebrities admit that the context is temple prostitution.

About women wearing men's clothes. That was also about temple prostitution and worshiping false gods. It had nothing to do with being gay or lesbian. Please click on the Link: Transgender and clothing? and read the page of info about Deuteronomy 22:5.

It is VERY important that you understand this so that the anti-gay crowd cannot heap false conviction and false condemnation on you. They love to rip verses out of context in their efforts to psych us into feeling bad about our orientation. DON'T let them play that game!

Christian Lizzie wrote: It was necessary to change all of that and this He did with Grace.

Rick's comment: No dear, you have a fundamental misunderstanding of law and grace. Those verses in Leviticus and Deuteronomy were NEVER EVER talking about gays lesbians and transgendered people. For that reason, Jesus did not need to change anything.

All Jesus and the Holy Spirit do is remind us to always rightly divide the word of truth which basically means, always interpret scripture in context, 2 Timothy 2:15.

now the extent to which one accepts that Grace is entirely up to the individual. but to deny the works of the Cross is dangerous. we must not Limit Him in His works and deeds. He died so that we could live. If i had a christian girlfriend i would be with her becos of the work of the Cross. I would be a friend and a lover to her bcos He paid our sin price and was our sin offering!

Rick's comment: Amen to that sister! I agree with you! Everyone needs to trust ONLY IN the finished work of Christ on the Cross because HE paid for our sin and God accepted His payment! Here's some of what happens when you get saved.

And here are more than 330 pages of Bible Study FREE downloads you can print and fill out at your own pace so you can learn the Bible at home. God bless you!

Dec 04, 2012
Never heard of the temple shrine argument
by: Christian Lizzie

To be honest i have never heard of the temple shrine argument... some gays do hold the view that Lesbianism and homosexuality was considered a sin and not just applicable to the area of temple prostitutes... He [Jesus] died for the whole world and whosoever calls on His Name shall be saved.

Rick's comment: I edited your comment. I do not allow people to keep posting the same dis-information (yours was about Genderism) comment after comment.

Dec 04, 2012
So much for freedom of speech huh?
by: Christian Lizzie

I don't mind it being edited... I would like to ask you how you thought Jesus did tho. Yeah He went to the Cross but what does that mean practically to you?

Rick's comment: This website is not a free speech zone. There are too many people who want to post false information and I didn't build this website to provide a free platform for them.

This is my ministry website, teaching the Bible to gays and lesbians and others who are interested in God's truth.

Excellent question about why Jesus went to the cross! Jesus' death on the cross paid the penalty for our sins by suffering the wrath of God, appeasing God's requirement for justice and God accepted Jesus' blood as payment. We know God the Father accepted His payment because He raised Him from the dead.

Now, if we want to get saved, we have to be satisfied with the payment Jesus made for us; we have to accept the payment. Does that make sense to you? The payment Jesus made is applied to us by the precious Holy Spirit when we personally receive Jesus as our Savior in this life, John 1:11-12, Romans 6:23, 10:9-13, 2 Corinthians 6:2.

I address Who Jesus is and what Jesus' death on the cross made possible at these Links, which I hope you will read.

How can I get saved?

What is justification by faith?

Who is Jesus?

What is getting saved?

Can I be a Christian if I don't believe that Jesus Christ is God?

Feb 22, 2013
i have a live-in lesbian partner
by: pink

i am a born again christian but i am living with a lesbian. every single day, i feel guilty of what i am doing because like a couple, we do things such things like the normal couple do. i am searching for an answer on how can i manage my thinking & feeling because i believe that God is merciful & thru God's mercy we are saved... but He is also just... the only thing that keeps me fighting for the guilt feeling is that God triumphs over His justice.... but til now, everytime i go out with her, i feel like i need to get rid from people around us & let them think that we are just friends period. i am so feeling condemend especially by my sister... i can't even continue attending to church , i wanted to attend w/ her but the eyes of the people are speaking to me. pls. help me, i need ur advise, thank you!

Rick's comment: My advice is to first, make absolutely sure that you are saved. Then, keep reading the New Testament and our Gay Christian FAQ. There is a lot of information in both which will help you grow spiritually and will help answer your questions. Many thanks for stopping by and God bless you.

Mar 16, 2013
christians friends only pass on judgment
by: luchelle

I'm 20 years of age been Blood washed for almost 7years, bible freak n completely insane for Jesus,I was always against lesbians n so on,until I've started developing feelings for gals. Being me I prayed about it n ignored it, cuse lev 20 teaches us about it, went thru a lot cuse this was out of character for me, to make a long story short, the people who I looked up to is making life very difficult for me, like m stupid n things, n I really love this woman, n we engaged. my ? Is-isn't okay for me to still serve God n date her? cuse I don't wanna give up on either of them

Rick's comment: Please go to GC101 Search and type in: lesbian - then read through the pages that come up to get an in depth answer. The short answer is, YES, you can love and serve Jesus AND be in a committed lesbian relationship. It all starts with knowing for sure you are saved so you never have to worry about going to hell.

Mar 29, 2013
Your answer based on scripture
by: Anonymous

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Well there goes your answer.

Rick's comment: Interesting - 1 Cor 6:9 in Paul's Greek text, he did not write the word, homosexual. Instead Paul used the word, arsenokoitai, which in the first century described a temple prostitute.

And strangely enough, Lev 20:13 does not mention lesbians. Imagine that! You attempted to answer a question about lesbians by citing two verses which do not mention gays and do not mention lesbians.

Jul 09, 2013
God's Laws & homosexuality
by: Anonymous

The one thing I realized is that God's laws are unalterable by man, laws that can be broken are man's laws, no exceptions. There is man's law that says homosexuality is a sin, but God's law does not forbid the loving of the same sex, but God's law does stop two of the same sex from creating a child.

Jul 16, 2013
Jonathan and David
by: Anonymous

What about Jonathan n David. 1 Samuel 20:17, 1Samuel 20:40. Their love for one another was like non known. Different version express it differently. Some versions say they kissed passionately.

Sep 03, 2013
Defend your choice
by: Anonymous

Its not a matter of whether or not your god says its wrong in your holy book. It's asking yourself that when the day of judgement comes and you stand before him, will you be able to tell him how happy and loved your partner makes you feel. Surely an understanding and forgiving father would want that for his daughter right?

Rick's comment: I believe it is precisely a matter of what God says in the Bible. Please read Acts 17:30-31 - "And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man (Jesus Christ) whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead."

What must I do to be saved?

Dec 08, 2013
About being Gay
by: Christian101

Its sad to see how people try to justify an abominable sin as lesbianism and homosexuality. This site is leading many astray into the lies of the Devil and is manipulating the word as the Devil did in the desert with Jesus Christ. May God have mercy on all your souls and I pray that you find the truth. New testament clearly states that it is abominable to God.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV

Romans 1:24-27 ESV

Repent now and ask for forgiveness...

Revelation 20:13-15 ESV

And the sea gave up the dead who were in it, Death and Hades gave up the dead who were in them, and they were judged, each one of them, according to what they had done. Then Death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire. And if anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.

Rick's comment: Strange that you quote the ESV which has removed hell from so many passages. You are either a young Christian or a lazy Christian who has never studied the Bible. If you are interested in truth, click on any NavBar button under, What The Bible Says.

Unlike you, many gay Christians study the Bible in context, obeying 2 Timothy 2:15. I hope that someday, you will get serious for God and also obey 2 Tim 2:15. Thanks for stopping by.

Feb 11, 2014
Homosexuality in scripture?
by: John McKee

Anyone who can read 1 Cor. 6:9-10, 1 Tim. 1:8-10 or Romans 1:26-27 and not conclude that God prohibits homosexual behavior has preconceived ideas that they are intent on justifying. Paul's discussion of Jewish Christians trying to bind the Law of Moses had nothing to do with offering the "liberty" to do anything we want with impunity.

It was the same Paul who wrote that homosexuals would not "inherit the kingdom of heaven." I won't be the judge, but when people have honest questions, I believe in letting the scriptures speak for themselves. If people lose their souls because of your distortions, I fear for your soul as well.

Rick's comment: Hi John - just for the record, Paul did NOT use the word homosexuals. No one used that word in the Bible until the 1940s. Here are the facts.

There were many Greek or Latin words Paul could have used in 1 Cor 6:9 if he intended to condemn gays and lesbians yet Paul did not write the word, homosexual. Instead Paul used the word, arsenokoitai, which in the first century described a temple prostitute.

And strangely enough, none of the verses you cited, 1 Cor. 6:9-10, 1 Tim. 1:8-10 or Romans 1:26-27, mention lesbians. You attempted to answer a question about lesbians by citing three verses which do not mention gays and do not mention lesbians.

May 31, 2014
Homosexuality and monogamous relations
by: So confused

Hello everyone. I am just getting on here to get some understanding. I am 19 and a female and in a committed relationship to a female. However, I am also a pastors child of a nondenominational church and have been all my life. I just really need some understanding because honestly I'm so lost.

I want to say that I follow the bible but the constant question about the topic of homosexuality in the bible has me running around in circles. I love my girlfriend and we are quite happy and both Christians. I need someone to really talk to me about this or provide scriptures for my understanding.

Rick's comment: Thanks for your comment. My website exists to help dispel confusion on the gay issue. To that end, I have carefully documented info on each of the clobber passages. Click on the NavBar links under, What The Bible Says.

I also have extensive info on my Gay Christian FAQ which answers 100 questions people ask.

It is vitally important for gay Christians to learn Bible doctrine and to know what the Bible says, IN CONTEXT. To help with that, I have more than 330 pages of FREE downloadable Basic Bible Studies so you can print them on your printer and work through them with an open Bible, which helps you learn the Bible at home.

The only way to get peace with God on this issue is to: 1. make sure you are saved. Then, 2. make sure you know what happens when you got saved.

Aug 07, 2014
I'm confused and need help
by: forjesus101

I'm sorry to break it to people, but we aren't born gay it's a choice. Like with me I'm having bad trouble, i have a friend who's a girl and i confessed to her. She says it's okay and when i told her i was in church she still says I'm still gay (lesbian). I understand her saying that i can't change over night and Idk what to say and i still love her and i don't know why she said that...Idk if she likes me.. but even though i know it's a sin...i still can't shake this feeling... and me being Pentecostal and knowing the truth my situation is hard. No matter. how many times i pray. Or read i can't find my. answer. And it because it is basically said that a man can't lay with another man.. same to women and please forgive me I'm not quoting. And the reason why i can't find my answer is because it's not there... and it's not something i want to face. But i know it may not be the answer i want but it's what He wants and i know i don't want to face the truth. I know love her. But she acts like it's nothing sometimes and me being Christian it's hard.

Rick's comment: Hi forjesus101 - Thanks for commenting. First, make absolutely sure that you are saved. Scripture will not make sense to you until you know for sure you are saved.

Then, the only way to get peace on whether it's okay to be lesbian is to read and study for yourself as a born again Christian (not just a religious person, not just a cultural christian) so you'll know what the Bible says and doesn't say. Take the time to read the page I've linked below.

Then read it again as many times as you have to until you understand it. That will take some time because it's not a simple subject but the time you invest will be worth the effort because you'll come away from it with peace of mind. Does Leviticus condemn gays and lesbians?

Sep 03, 2014
Thank you for comforting message!
by: Vivian McAlexander

Thank you for some comforting words of truth and unscrambling things. Other Christians have caused conflict within my soul. I am a Christian who does my very best to live a moral life to glorify and show respect for The Lord. I do not sleep around, and greatly desire a monogamous relationship with another woman. To me, love is the most important thing, above sexual pleasure.

I've heterosexual friends who sleep around, smoke, drink, use drugs, etc. I have long ago distanced myself from them, as it's better to alone than in bad company. They try to drag you down in their way of living. I do my best to take care of my body, as the body is a Temple of God. It is a gift as is life.

I cannot believe that Jesus, who is love, would condemn two women who love and respect each other. Where is the harm or sin? I pray that God will place a loving and devoted lady into my life. I will love and cherish her. In Christ's love, Vivian.

P.S. Live free, and pray for the Christians, etc. being brutally murdered by Islamic fascists. The radical Islamists torture and kill lesbians and homosexuals. The voices of GLAAD need to be raised in defense of "gay" brothers and sisters in the Middle East. Pray for them and the other innocents. God bless America! God be with our soldiers who are defending our freedom.

Rick's comment: Hi Vivian - I'm thankful we can be a blessing to you and I pray that our loving Lord meets your every need, answers your prayers and blesses you in ways you've never imagined. There is lots of info on this website so feel free to explore.

Sep 11, 2014
How do you reconcile marriage and homosexuality?
by: Looking for Answers

How do you reconcile the institution of marriage with homosexuality? God has set up marriage to be a picture of the "Church's" relationship with Christ. Anyone who is saved is a part of the church. Therefore, marriage is also a picture of what our relationship is with Christ.

My real question deals with "headship". In a marriage, the man is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the man. Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. (Eph. 5) There is a very specific order here.

In order to be saved, we have to come to the realization that we need a Savior and we have to obey His voice and come to Him. We have to submit ourselves to His Word and willingly accept the work that has been done on the cross. Work that was done out of His love for us. Once we are saved we own up to Him as Lord. He is our Head and our Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a beautiful picture of this. The Church is one body, Christ is the head of the body(the Church). We are all members of that one body. We (Christ and the Church) are one.

There are verses that talk about how when a man leaves his father and mother he will cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh, i.e. one body. There appears to be a very specific order in regards to marriage. I can't seem to reconcile this in my head when it comes to gay marriage.

When there is a same sex couple, who is the head of the marriage? It gets cloudy for me, things appear to be out of order. I'm not trying to be harsh, I just want answers.

Rick's comment: Hi Looking for Answers - It helps to remember that both men and women are Christs bride. Since Jesus is the Incarnate word (the word made flesh) and the Bible is the written word, there is no conflict in these issues.

The Bible tells us that men are already part of the bride of Christ and will marry Jesus, Ephesians 5, in heaven. That holy and sanctified relationship is often ignored yet it is part of the bride and groom analogy. If men can marry the man, Christ Jesus in heaven, then why do Christians argue that it is wrong for a man to marry a man or a woman to marry a woman on earth?

Concerning headship, isn't that something that individual couples can figure out based on abilities and gifts from God? It seems to me there is far too much legalism involved in other people deciding issues like that for your marriage or my marriage. Hope this is helpful.

I have more gay marriage information at these links - each page has multiple links to more information.

Gay Marriage

Gay Christian FAQ

Dec 10, 2014
church in the deep south
by: mel

While living in the deep south, people here tend to tolerate a gay person outside the church. I have been looking for a church that is accepting, only to find they will allow you to attend, and participate in activities but to join their church you have give up being gay, to me this is not right. I consider myself a Christian, but I am also lesbian. Why can't I be both within a congregation which I joined?need to find that church near by. What to do?

Rick's comment: Hi Mel - If they accept you in a friendly way (even though they don't want you to join), that is progress. Concerning churches that are friendly but don't want us as members, I'm reminded of a Groucho Marx saying:

"I don’t care to belong to any club that would have me as a member."

Sometimes we just have to laugh at their silliness and keep living for Jesus.

Jul 08, 2015
Lesbianism is a sin
by: Kathy

If you believe that gay/lesbianism is a sin, how do you reconcile that? Yes as one gay woman said on another site all of us have sinned, so we should not judge. And that is true. But Christian repent of their sins in order to go to heaven, but if being gay is a sin, they do not change and repent of that sin. So I feel that their sin is different from others. What do you think?

Rick's comment: Hi Kathy - The answer is that being lesbian is NOT a sin and doesn't need to be repented of. I have more info about that on my

Gay Christian FAQ.

Aug 09, 2015
by: Sarah

You are a false prophet. [rick] You are luring people away from GOD and into A false sense of acceptance through your twisting and changing the actual words of God into false justification.

It's says in the bible anyone who takes changes or adds to the Bible (thru text) will well, I m sure you know. The devil is the father of all lies and you are helping people into a trap.

Rick's comment: Hi Sarah - Your comment makes me sad. How can someone who doesn't study the Bible and hasn't even read the Bible from cover to cover decide that I am a false prophet? Pride doesn't = knowledge.

Aug 17, 2015
In Genesis 19 was it wrong to rape men but not wrong to rape women?
by: Nwando

Hi, I do not believe lesbianism is a sin. If it was, I wouldn't be gay but that's btw. I travel a lot but I'm from Nigeria. I have a lesbian christian forum that is just budding. I post an exposition on 'anti-gay evangelicals confirming Gen 19 to not be about homosexuals (thanks to your articles). Then I get a lot of positive comments and questions. Most I've answered, but I'd like to know your take on this one

"I know the Bible is confusing sometimes but in both Genesis and Judges 19, it looks like it was okay to rape a woman but not a man. So one would wonder if it is the act of rape that was wrong or is wrong OR just the gender that would have been involved'

I have a forum here in Nigeria where I have exposition on homosexuality and christianity. We are mostly lesbians and I have recently put together and article on 'how you can still be a lesbian and a christian.' Thanks to your article on 'anti gay conservatives, Sodom - Genesis 19. A member has asked a question and I need your thoughts on it

Q: I know the Bible is confusing sometimes but in both Genesis and Judges 19, it looks like it was okay to rape a woman but not a man. So one would wonder if it is the act of rape that was wrong or is wrong OR just the gender that would have been involved?"

Rick's comment: Hi Nwando - I'm so happy to hear you have a Christian Online Forum for Lesbians in Nigeria. What a wonderful ministry God has given you! You've asked an interesting question - here is my answer.

Rape is always wrong, whether it is a woman being raped or a man being raped. God loves lesbians and women in general as much as He loves men. In Genesis 19 and Judges 19, remember that we are not dealing with modern culture. The destruction of Sodom happened 4000 years ago, around 2067 BC. The awful story in Judges 19 takes place more than 3000 years ago, around 1100 BC.

The point is, the Bible deals with culture as it finds it and the Bible does not try to sugar coat the sins and failures of people. The sins and failures of people in the Old Testament are laid bare by God because the Bible is an honest book.

In both stories, Genesis 19 and Judges 19, rape or gang rape is an awful and wicked sin. Rape is never right. The attempted gang rape of the angel visitors in Sodom was not allowed by God to go unpunished. Because of the wickedness of the men of Sodom and because of their lack of hospitality and at least six other sins, Ezekiel 16:48-50, God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah and two other cities of the plains. That is an awful but well deserved judgment for their sins.

In the Judges 19 story, an awful judgment also came upon the Benjamites as a tribe, since the Jebusite men who raped the woman in Judges 19 were from the Benjamite city of Gibeah, Judges 20:4. The Benjamites should have exercised firm control over the pagan Jebusites but they did not. For their failure to keep the city of Gibeah a safe place to live, the other tribes of Israel gathered together and fought against the tribe of Benjamin, killing many thousands of them. The rest of the story is found in Judges 20 and 21. Hope this is helpful to you Nwando.

It was a blessing to talk to you on the phone today. Please keep in touch and let me know how things are going in your ministry.

Nov 23, 2015
But what did God say
by: Terence Gipson

I sympathize and agonize with my gay brothers and sisters. I like to start by saying Christianity is about a personal relationship with God, and going to church is about the body of Christ. The Christian life is a life surrendered to God and not my desires. God's grace is the power to overcome sin in our lives, and not continue doing the same sin. It sounds like you are reconciling God to your thinking and not your thinking to God. God is always having us make adjustments in our life because he live for his purpose and will. We are called to live a surrendered life to Christ. I am disturbed so many are being led astray. I feel like maybe you don't really know God but just go to church. I am praying that you into the knowledge and understanding. I pray that you experience God on a personal level. Remember how to tell the spirit according 1 John 3. If the spirit exalts Jesus it is from God, and if it exalts itself. It is not from God. God really does love us and wants us to walk in spirit and truth. I pray that God reveals himself to you and my gay brothers and sisters. The word does not call for us to beat each other up, but to lift your brother( and sister)up. There are many people willing to pray, walk with, help gay and lesbians. Who will not be judgmental, but who walk in the love of God.

Rick's comment: Hi Terence - I get that a lot - if we disagree on the gay issue, you assume we are not saved. I encourage you to do a lot more study on this issue instead of assuming that gays who disagree with you are not saved.

Apr 18, 2016
Against it
by: Teresa

I am a Christian girl with homosexual feelings but I don't allow my sexuality to define who I am and therefore do not call myself lesbian. Although I am tempted by homosexual practice I believe the Bible is against, there is no watering down God's word to suit our desires. Just because the Bible does not speak much about homosexuality does not mean it isn't forbidden. God gives me grace to fight my desires however difficult they get. He can help you too. Fight the good fight.

Rick's comment: Hi Teresa - I hope you will continue to read and study. There is no verse of scripture which supports your belief about the lesbian issue.

Jun 15, 2017
My gf is super brain washed with religion - help!
by: Christy

My gf and I have been off and on for 5 years! She grew up VERY christian and has been brainwashed by her family. We are trying to work things out but she believes being gay is wrong and even having sex with a girl in a committed relationship is wrong. She goes back n forth about being bi A LOT but always reverts to her "faith" I try to talk sense into her but its not working! I love her but how can I be with her if she feels this way?!! Please help. Thank you.

Rick's comment: Hi Christy - The only way to get peace on this issue is for you and your girlfriend to believe what the Bible says in context instead of believing what she was taught that it means. On this website, I provide lots of detailed information about the clobber passages. It is important information and should be read time after time until understanding begins to dawn in her heart.

God loves His gay and lesbian children and it is perfectly fine for us to be gay married and happy in our marriages. I view it this way.

In the Old Testament, polygamy was culturally accepted, was legal and was participated in by God's followers including Abraham, Jacob, Gideon and of course, King David and King Solomon and polygamy was blessed by God. For example, God used twelve children from the four polygamous wives of Jacob to form the nation of Israel.

Also, read 2 Samuel 12:7-8 and notice that God affirmed polygamy. Polygamy in the OT is analogous to gay marriage in modern times.

Gay marriage is culturally accepted in many countries including the USA. Gay marriage is also legal in all fifty states and is participated in by saved and born again followers of God. And God blesses gay marriages with His love and joy.

Because being lesbian is an obstacle for your girlfriend, the best advice I can give you is to make sure you yourself are saved and trusting Jesus. Live as a biblical disciple of Jesus and let Him have first place in your life, even before your girlfriend.

What must I do to be saved?

Read, believe and obey the Bible. Live a joyful Spirit filled life that honors the Lord Jesus. The bottom line is, all of us who are saved must learn to trust God and live by faith. All of us wrestle with things we don't understand and we must learn to trust God with those things.

If your girlfriend never gets her mind around the truth that God is perfectly fine with gay marriage, you cannot allow her lack of resolution to ruin your life. Regardless of anything she does, you must live for Jesus and put Him first.

God knows your heart and her heart. Make up your mind to live for Jesus and then do that, one day at a time. Trust God's amazing grace to sustain you and seek always to find your ultimate joy in Him.

When we do that from a sincere heart, God has an amazing way of working out things we never dreamed possible. That doesn't mean we always get everything we want but God is faithful and He will do what is best for you and your girlfriend, for your good and His glory.

Sep 16, 2017
by: Sharon

A friend of mine became lesbian had a girlfriend. I prayed for her, believing her behaviour was grieving God, and soon after she went straight. why would God answer the prayer if He was OK with it?

Rick's comment: Hi Sharon - Thanks for the interesting question. The correct way to understand the Bible is to go by what the Bible says, in context. We should not decide what the Bible says based on personal anecdotes about answers to prayer.

1. There is no verse of scripture which says it is sinful to be in a lesbian relationship and there are no verses of scripture which prohibit being a lesbian. That being true, your belief that your friend was grieving God is not based on anything the Bible says in context.

2. You drew a conclusion which no one can verify, that your friend went from being lesbian to being straight.

On this website I have lots of information about being gay and lesbian. My page about Exodus International explains that Exodus Int, the LARGEST Ex-Gay ministry on earth shut down their entire ministry in June, 2013 and admitted that in 38 years of ministry, they never saw anyone change their sexual orientation.

I view it this way. Polygamy in the Old Testament is analogous to being gay or lesbian in modern times.

OT polygamy was culturally accepted, was legal and was engaged in by really serious and committed followers of God.

Gay marriage in modern times is culturally accepted, is legal and is engaged in by really serious, saved and born again, committed followers of God.

Being gay or lesbian and loving and following Jesus should not be a cause for division between Christians.

Jan 28, 2018
Could I have some advice on this?
by: Yvonne

Recently, my girlfriend had ended our relationship due to the confusion with her sexuality and Christian beliefs. I've tried to encourage her to ask her family where they stand on homosexuality to find a real answer. But of course she is too scared to come out to her strict Christian family and days go by without answers. It feels we can't resolve our argument if we don't find out what her family feels or what beliefs she's going to follow. I'm not Christian, but I understand her religion is important to her. I'm unsure what to do. Thank you.

Rick's comment: Hi Yvonne - I encourage you to read my answer to Sharon, Sep 16, 2017, just before your comment.

Part of being lesbian is coming to terms with that fact and being honest about it with friends and family. Coming out happens at different times - there is no perfect way to do it so patience is required as your girlfriend works through this on her own time table.

To help you understand your girlfriend's Christian beliefs, this page should be helpful.

What must I do to be saved?

Your girlfriend's age is also a factor. If she is still living at home and dependent on her parents for support, that makes her coming out process more difficult.

Love and support each other and work on understanding what salvation is and why each of us needs to be saved. God bless you Yvonne!

Aug 14, 2018
Just wondering, I want to know please!
by: Sarah

My family believes being lesbian is wrong in Gods eyes. I have read these articles, and I know now that it is OK, but I still feel a little uncomfortable when trying to bring up the subject. A little advice please?

P.S. I never want to bring up the subject.

Rick's comment: Hi Sarah - This website has tons of information to help people understand that it's perfectly fine with God and the Bible to be lesbian or gay.

The answers to other questions in this thread contain helpful advice and information.

I encourage you to only come out or only bring up this topic if you feel the Lord leading you to do so.

Don't be unduly influenced to come out by the pressure of your peers or by social media.

Live your life to the glory of God. Be a real life biblical disciple of Jesus. Learn new skills. Cultivate new friends. Hone your gifts and talents and use them to serve Jesus.

Ignore most of what others your age are doing, especially on social media. Be a leader, not a follower.

The world is your oyster and your mission field. Enjoy.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Gay Christian FAQ.

Enjoy this page? Get the html to share it with others.

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.
Site Build It! Site Build It!