A Transgender Comes Out

by Dix Dixon
(Canada)

Hello, my name is Dix.

First, and most importantly, I am saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Spirit. I am a child of the Most High King. God is my Father, Jesus is my big brother and Savior, and the Holy Spirit empowers me.

Second, I am a person, a human being with feelings.

Third, I am transgendered; a man inside a female body.

Everyday I thank God for my life, past, present and future because He created me as I am.

“You made my whole being; You formed me in my mother's womb. I praise You because You made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What You have done is wonderful. I know this very well. You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother's body.

When I was put together there, You saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in Your Book before I was one day old. God, Your thoughts are precious to me. They are so many! If I could count them, they would be more than the grains of sand. When I wake up, I am still with You.” -Psalm 139:13-18

Even before He spoke all that is above and below, and every creature into existence; God looked down through the eons of time and saw every one of us.

He knows everything about us because He created us as we are. He knew that on the 9th of September, 1940, a transgendered baby, a male inside a female body, would be born in Malagash, Nova Scotia, Canada. I was that baby.

As far back as I can remember, I knew I was a male. When I began talking I would often tell anyone who called me a girl, “I am a boy.”

Because I was always called a girl I had to wear little girl's clothes, which I hated and was very uncomfortable in. It was a confusing time in my life. No one who is one or two years old can understand why they feel and act one way, when their body is the opposite. God created me as I am, different inside than out.

My heavenly Father saw that as a child I would quickly learn that when the challenges of life got more than I could handle; I would find a place to be alone. I would just talk out my frustrations and from somewhere I would find comfort and peace that would sustain me through those hard times. At that young age I did not know it was God there with me.

The summer when I was 9, an Evangelist came to the community and held meetings in the one room schoolhouse. I went to one of the services with my grandmother. At the alter call I went forward and accepted Jesus into my heart. Oh what a wonderful feeling I had. When we returned home and I excitedly told my mother, her remark to me was, “What the hell did you do that for, you will never live up to it.”

After I accepted Him into my heart I had an awesome relationship with my heavenly Father. I knew, God loved me and He was always right beside me watching out for and protecting me. I praise Him that all through my life He has truly been a friend who sticks closer than a brother. I can talk with Him and feel His sweet presence with me.

Being transgendered caused me to struggle all my life. Many times I tried to commit suicide I grew up uncomfortable with how I had to dress and was expected to act.

Through all the hurt and rejection, my heart's cry was just to be accepted and loved. I knew God loved me but I also wanted and needed people to see me as the person God created, and love and accept me as well.

I now clearly see that God allowed everything that happened to me, all the confusion and hurts, so I could be a witness to and help those He brings across my path and give them love and encouragement.

While I have always known I am a man in a female body, I never really understood why. My feelings for the opposite sex began to kick in as I became a teen, and I was attracted to girls. Then all the things my body started going through were so disgusting to me. I was so miserable inside I felt the only way out was to kill myself.

When I was 18 I joined the RCAF, mainly to get away from home and all the verbal abuse and emotional hurt. Up until that time I had never heard the words gay, lesbian or homosexual. Hearing how others talked about these people gave me a sick feeling. After listening to the repulsive things said about them I was sure I didn't want to be one of them. Yet I was very confused and definitely not happy because of how I felt inside and how my body was.

During this time I decided I had to do the things society demanded a female should do. I met a man and got married. While he was a very nice person, I was not in love with him and hated performing my "wifely duties," but felt I had to. We had two daughters and when I was pregnant with them I felt it was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me. I wanted to die! Again I tried suicide.

The wonderful result to not succeeding at suicide is; I have two beautiful daughters, three grandsons and a granddaughter who are so awesome. I love them all dearly, and am so very proud of each one.

After 16 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to separate. Until his death we maintained a wonderful friendship. He understood who I was inside but never spoke of it and respected me as a human being.

I have never tried intentionally to be something I am not. I disliked the body I am in because it does not display to the world who I really am. At times I struggle with it but I understand I am just the way God created me to be. I am at peace within myself and I thank God for who I am and I will do everything I can to lead others to Him so they too can experience the incredible love He offers.

One of the hardest challenges to face everyday is the reaction of people who cannot or do not care to understand and accept me for who I am. Most people, thankfully not all, see me as a female dressed in men's clothing. I am not homosexual; a lesbian. I think and have the same emotions as a straight man.

I was 60 years old when God took me to a transgendered site on the Internet, where I learned who I am and the language for it. The first testimony I read brought tears to my eyes. The young man, who was born in a female body; and had gone through all the procedures for a sex change, told the story of his childhood.

I could have written that story, as he told about being raised in a home where he was never told he was loved. He was always told he couldn’t do anything right. That he was no good and would never amount to anything worthwhile. He was hated, disrespected, and many times tried suicide. He described my childhood exactly.

When I learned I was transgendered, and after all those uncomfortable years of being made to wear frills, lace and the other most uncomfortable garments ever invented for women, I took a stand.

The dresses, skirts, blouses, silk slips, even the more disgusting pantyhose and bras, along with the other horrible restraining garments, all went! In their place came comfortable men’s jeans, slacks, shirts, tees, and sweats, and I felt fantastic!

In conclusion, I know God doesn't make junk. He created me special, the way I am. He is first and foremost in my life. I am His, totally and completely, to be used by Him in any way He needs, and all for His honor and glory. I am full of His peace and joy.

It doesn’t bother me so much any more what people refer to me as she, her or any other female adjective. I know who I am, and it thrills me more than words can explain, when GOD CALLS ME SON.

Jesus loves each one of us more than anyone else can because He created us. I love everyone of you as you were created.

We don't know when Jesus will return;

He could come today.

Are we ready to meet Him?

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