I thank God I am His and He created me gay

by Murray Downie
(Sunshine Coast Queensland Australia)

Four years ago, I wrote my coming out story and Rick published it - Murray's coming out story. A few years later, I sent an update which you may enjoy reading. I would like to update you again on what God is doing in my life.

My heart goes out to all my sisters and brothers in the Lord who get caught up with condemnation and judging of others. Where is the basis of our belief? Is it not in Jesus who told us to love our brothers as ourselves, Matthew 22:36-40. We must learn to love ourselves first before we can love our brothers, otherwise that love is a lie. I had to learn that.

I was bought up in a evangelical Christian environment. As far back as I can remember I had a tendency toward a same sex relationship. I was not taught or coerced into that life. I was not preyed upon by some deviant. It was just the way I was.

Because of the outlook of the church on homosexuality I started to feel that there was something really wrong with me. I hated myself and even began to think thoughts of suicide. I made a feeble attempt of slashing my wrist. Thanks to my Jesus I am still here today 50 years later.

I left the church and like the prodigal son went up to the city to the high life. Like the children of Israel I wandered in the desert 5 years longer than their 40 years. In all that time God still had his hand on me.

He led me back to himself through a loving church group that loved me as I am, no condemnation. They showed me that I could love myself and in doing so I was able to love my brothers and sisters with that unconditional love

I found through reading his word that God loves me through Jesus his son. I love the Psalms. My favorite Psalm is Psalm 139. God created me with a purpose in mind. God was intimately involved in creating me.

1. God knows me in my deepest places. He knows me so well that even before I speak a word, he knows what I’m going to say, verses 1-4.

2. God surrounds me. I can do everything in my strength to avoid him, but he’s always there. Even in my darkest places, God is with me, verses 5-12.

3. God made no mistakes when he formed me, verses 13-16.

2. God is in ultimate control of my life because every day of my life was recorded in a book before I was born, verse 16.

If there is one idea that summarizes this Psalm, it’s the word “love.” Yet notice that the word love never appears in the text. I have learned to live a life now completely in God's hands.

I still consider myself of same sex orientation. I would lie if I said I was not. God has now shown it is a gift that he has given those of us who are gay and lesbian. We can be there for those who are hurting because we know what it's like to be hurting. As the wonderful hymn writer Horatio Spafford wrote:

My sin, O the bliss

of the glorious thought,

my sin not in part but the whole;

is nailed to his cross

and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord

O my soul.


May the unconditional love of God shine out from me to others. This is my prayer. God bless you all. - Muzza

Baruch haba b’shem Adonai.
Blessed is he that comes in the name of the LORD, Psalm 118:26.