Is it okay for lesbians to have children by sperm donation?

by Meg
(Sweden)

That’s an interesting question. Because we don’t know your personal circumstances, whether you are single or in an emotionally stable relationship, whether you are emotionally, financially and spiritually able to support a child and your reasons for wanting a child, we’ll provide a general answer. I asked for input from a Christian lesbian. Here is Tracie’s answer.


Well, this question is close to my heart, because my partner and I conceived our daughter thru artificial insemination.

The first thing that jumps out at me is your statement that you would love to be pregnant. Pregnancy is the easy part, where the mom-to-be gets all the attention. Yet obviously at the end of the pregnancy is a baby who needs all the love you can offer and (s)he becomes the center of attention.

My second caution is, do not focus completely on the dream of being pregnant. Where the rubber meets the road is when dreams become reality. Are you (and your partner) prepared to love and nurture a precious child?

Raising children is a lot of work and most of it is not glamorous. Being a parent is like running a marathon, not a hundred yard dash. So, I encourage you to think in terms of before / during / after pregnancy rather than just the sometimes glamorized pregnancy part. 
 
Third, you don't say if you are partnered or single yet that is an important consideration. Single motherhood, for even the most talented and selfless women, is a great challenge. Granted, many children raised by single parents do just fine. However raising children by yourself is one of life’s most difficult tasks.

Perhaps that is why the coupling of a marriage partnership in Scripture is significant in the parenting realm. The optimum situation for raising children is two involved parents who love each other and their children.

If you are partnered, are both of you prepared to raise a child successfully in a non-conventional family? The challenges you face from society and culture can be as challenging as being a single parent.
 
Fourth, with artificial insemination as the main alternative way for a lesbian to have a biological child, we must go back to our Biblical foundation, that God is the giver of life.
Whether that life is through the sperm / egg union of opposite gender partners or same gender partners is not the relevant point. God is still the Author of that life and He permits or denies conception.

For this reason, it is always best to pray first to discern if it is God’s will for you to have and raise children.

Perhaps as a by-product of the original Creation, many human beings desire to reproduce regardless of sexual orientation. Gay and lesbian folk have just had a more difficult time figuring out how to do that in a responsible way.

Often we have been hampered by laws and cultural / societal views. While some anti-gay folks would argue that non-traditional families are not good venues for raising children, I disagree.

In Bible times, the cultural norm for a childless widow was for her to be impregnated by her deceased husband’s brother so that her dead husband’s line could continue. In both testaments, adoption is also a viable option.

Fifth, adoption is a significant Biblical theme. Number 4 and 5 indicate that God blesses non-traditional families, even when they are created in ways different from the creation account in Genesis 2:24. Here are other important issues to consider.

1. Sperm donation can be from a known or unknown donor. In either case some children, when they reach age 18, have a strong desire to find their biological parent. Are you prepared to deal with that?
   
   
2. How will your child be accepted and treated by your family members? Will you have family support in your decision to have and raise a child outside an opposite sex marriage?
   
   
3. How will you some day answer your child's questions about his/her origin?
   
   
4. If you are partnered, is your relationship with your partner stable and pleasant, a good nest for raising children? Can you as parents work out disagreements between yourselves without fighting? Are you on the same page concerning your Christian values?
   
   
5. Are both of you willing to sacrifice some of your time and freedom to do what is best for the child you’re bringing into the world? Hope this is helpful as you pray about this important decision.

Original Question:

“Is it okay for lesbians to have children by sperm-donation? I would so love to be pregnant!”

Is sex in a committed
gay relationship sin?

Is there any evidence of an
actual gay marriage in the Bible?

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