How can I get my mother to accept that me being gay is not a sin?

by Nico
(South Africa)

I know how frustrating it can be, trying to explain to your parents that being gay is not the sin they think it is. Many Christians are taught that being gay is one of the worst sins. That false message has been repeated so many times, they cannot imagine it being a lie.

Whenever they hear the word gay, the worst possible stereotypes clog their mind. Every goofy image from news reports of a gay pride parade, where a scantily clad gay man prances down the street in a colorful boa and little else, every news story about a gay man who committed a crime floats into their mind.

So when you tell them you're gay, all those negative images are their concept of what it means to be gay. Usually they've never known an openly gay Christian who loves God, believes the Bible and lives a godly Christian life.

Understandably, they are afraid that you've become something awful. Then too, they immediately wonder, "What did I do to make him this way?" Instead of focusing on you and your need for love, acceptance and reassurance, they focus on themselves, feeling guilty because somehow, in their mind, they must have failed as a parent.

There are four things which can help to change their mind and the changes usually happen slowly instead of immediately.

  1. Serious believing prayer every day until God answers you.

    "The heartfelt supplication (prayer) of a righteous man exerts a mighty influence." -James 5:16, Weymouth Translation

  2. Information - They must be willing to read, process and accept new information before they can form a new perspective on what it means to be gay.

    It may be helpful to get a copy of my book, Gay Christian 101, to leave in your living room so your mother has access to a scriptural viewpoint about being gay and Christian.

    You may also want to print out some of the information from this website, especially if it deals with something you and your mother have already discussed.

  3. Believing Bible study - They must be willing to read the Bible with an open mind and a believing heart, receptive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. When people close their heart to what the Holy Spirit is showing them, the Spirit is grieved and their spiritual growth stops.

  4. Reading the Bible in context - They must be willing to approach the Bible without their pre- conceived ideas about what it teaches. Many Christians think they "know" what the Bible teaches when in reality, the Bible says the opposite of what they think it "teaches."

    Preconceptions often make it difficult to learn anything new from scripture when we put more emphasis on our preconceptions than on what the Bible actually says, in context.

I encourage you to keep reading and studying the Bible for yourself. Take responsibility for your own spiritual growth. "Walk in the Spirit," Galatians 5:16 and grow in the Lord every day.

Don't let the fact that you are gay turn you into a liberal, Bible-rejecting christian. Instead, believe the Bible, build your worldview on the Bible and focus your life on serving God. You'll be glad you did.

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Nico's original question:

I have read the Word of God, as well as posts on this website for additional guidance and insight, but how do I deal with a mother that goes to prophetic school and loves the Lord, but does NOT want to accept that I'm gay in spite of trying every possible way to explain to her that it's NOT a sin?

Apparently the Holy Spirit told her the reason for the earth quake in Haiti is God's judgment on the people, because they don't live according to the Word and practice foreign cultures, like voodoo and other religions. How do I respond to that?

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