A Transgender Comes Out

by Dix Dixon
(Canada)

Hello, my name is Dix. First, and most importantly, I am saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Spirit. I am a child of the Most High King. God is my Father, Jesus is my big brother and Savior, and the Holy Spirit empowers me.

Second, I am a person, a human being with feelings.

Third, I am transgendered; a man inside a female body.

Everyday I thank God for my life, past, present and future because He created me as I am.

"13 For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb...

15 My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret and intricately and curiously wrought as if embroidered with various colours in the depths of the earth, a region of darkness and mystery.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days of my life were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them." - Psalm 139:13-18

In the beginning, God looked down through the eons of time and saw each and every one of us. He knows everything about us because He created us as we are. He knew that on the 9th of September, 1940, a transgendered baby, a male inside a female body, would be born in Malagash, Nova Scotia, Canada. I was that baby.

As far back as I can remember, I knew I was a male. When I began talking I would often tell anyone who called me a girl, “I am a boy.”

Because I was always called a girl I had to wear little girl's clothes, which I hated and was very uncomfortable in. It was a confusing time in my life. No one who is one or two years old can understand why they feel and act one way, when their body is the opposite. God created me as I am, different inside than out.

My heavenly Father saw that as a child I would quickly learn that when the challenges of life got more than I could handle; I would find a place to be alone. I would just talk out my frustrations and from somewhere I would find comfort and peace that would sustain me through those hard times. At that young age I did not know it was God there with me.

My grandmother and mom never got along. When one would tell me how to do things, the other would say it was wrong. Mom was a hateful, miserable person and her words and actions toward me showed that she didn’t love me or want me. I don’t remember her walking, but have pictures of her and I when I was a baby and she is standing, but she developed rheumatoid arthritis and was confined to bed.

Her horrible attitude drove my father away when I was just about five. She didn’t want me and tried to have me put in an orphanage, but dad would have taken me. She wouldn’t let him and kept me out of spite and made my life miserable.

The summer when I was 9, an Evangelist came to the community and held meetings in the one room schoolhouse. I went to one of the services with my grandmother. At the alter call I went forward and accepted Jesus into my heart. Oh what a wonderful feeling I had. When we returned home and I excitedly told my mother, her remark to me was, “What the hell did you do that for, you will never live up to it.”

After I accepted Him into my heart I had an awesome relationship with my Lord and Savior. I knew, God loved me and He was always right beside me watching out for and protecting me. I praise Him that all through my life He has truly been a friend who sticks closer than a brother. I can talk with Him and feel His sweet presence with me.

Being transgendered caused me to struggle all my life. Many times I tried to commit suicide I grew up uncomfortable with how I had to dress and was expected to act.

Through all the hurt and rejection, my heart's cry was just to be accepted and loved. I knew God loved me but I also wanted and needed people to see me as the person God created, and love and accept me as well.

I now clearly see that God allowed everything that happened to me, all the confusion and hurts, so I could be a witness to and help those He brings across my path and give them love and encouragement.

While I have always known I am a man in a female body, I never really understood why. My feelings for the opposite sex began to kick in as I became a teen, and I was attracted to girls. Then all the things my body started going through were so disgusting to me. I was so miserable inside I felt the only way out was to kill myself.

When I was 18 I joined the RCAF, mainly to get away from home and all the verbal abuse and emotional hurt. Up until that time I had never heard the words gay, lesbian or homosexual. Hearing how others talked about these people gave me a sick feeling. After listening to the repulsive things said about them I was sure I didn't want to be one of them. Yet I was very confused and definitely not happy because of how I felt inside and how my body was.

During this time I decided I had to do the things society demanded a female should do. I met a man and got married. While he was a very nice person, I was not in love with him and hated performing my "wifely duties," but felt I had to. We had two daughters and when I was pregnant with them I felt it was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me. I wanted to die! Again I tried suicide.

The wonderful result to not succeeding at suicide is; I have two beautiful daughters, three grandsons, a granddaughter and a great-granddaughter born April 9th, 3012, who are so awesome. I love them all dearly, and am so very proud of each one.

After 16 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to separate. Until his death we did stay friends. He understood who I was inside but never spoke of it and respected me as a human being.

I have never tried intentionally to be something I am not. I disliked the body I am in because it does not display to the world who I really am. At times I struggle with it but I understand I am just the way God created me to be. I am at peace within myself and I thank God for who I am and I will do everything I can to lead others to Him so they too can experience the incredible love He offers.

I was 60 years old when God led me to a transgendered site on the Internet, where I learned who I am and the language for it. The first testimony I read brought tears to my eyes. The young man, who was born in a female body and had gone through all the procedures for a sex change, told the story of his childhood.

I could have written that story, as he told about being raised in a home where he was never told he was loved. He was always told he couldn’t do anything right. That he was no good and would never amount to anything worthwhile. He was hated, disrespected, and many times tried suicide. He described my childhood exactly.

When I learned I was transgendered, and after all those uncomfortable years of being made to wear frills, lace and the other most uncomfortable garments ever invented for women, I took a stand.

The dresses, skirts, blouses, silk slips, even the more disgusting pantyhose and bras, along with the other horrible restraining garments, all went! In their place came comfortable mens jeans, slacks, shirts, tees, and sweats, and I felt fantastic!

When I was acting the role of female, some of those who met me back then, had a hard time, accepting me for who I really am, and really always was. Being transgendered, I am at peace within myself and I thank God for who I am. I will do everything I can to lead others to Him so they too can experience the unconditional love He offers.

In conclusion, I know God doesn't make junk. He created me special, the way I am. He is first and foremost in my life. I am His, totally and completely, to be used by Him in any way He needs, and all for His honor and glory. I am full of His peace and joy.

It doesn’t bother me so much any more what people refer to me as she, her or any other female adjective. I know who I am, and it thrills me more than words can explain, when GOD CALLS ME SON.

Jesus loves each one of us more than anyone else can because He created us. I love everyone of you as you were created.