When is it appropriate for a same sex couple to begin a sexual relationship?

by Julius
(New Orleans, LA - USA)


Rick Brentlinger Answers -


A sexual relationship is appropriate when two people are in committed relationship before God and their community.

I believe that the Bible teaches us to wait for sex until we are married or for gays and lesbians in places where we cannot legally marry, until we are in committed relationship.

This view presupposes that the same sex couple has taken time to get to know each other, that the process of getting to know each other has led them inexorably to conclude that they should spend their lives together as a couple, that they have prayerfully considered God's will in bringing them together, that they are willing to enter a monogamous partnership, that they intend to work at making their relationship successful, that they are not merely play-acting for the purpose of having sex.

"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. " -1 Corinthians 7:2

The scriptural principle is that the God who created all of us with sexual needs intends our sexual needs to be met within the spiritual and emotional shelter of a committed relationship.

Because 95% of humanity is heterosexual, God couches His instructions in heterosexual language. That scripture mentions wives and husbands in no way excludes gay men and lesbians from having committed relationships which are every bit as honored, blessed and sanctified by God as heterosexual marriages.

Additional information
about gay marriage


Since gay couples cannot legally marry is sex in a committed relationship sin?

Did you know gay marriage is as old as history?

Are gay marriages an important civil right to you?

Is there any evidence of an actual gay marriage in the Bible?

God saves gays but do you think he wants them to stay gay?

Why has God allowed his word to be so misinterpreted regarding homosexuality?

Original Question:

"I am in a committed relationship and me and my partner are still in the closet so to speak. Anyway marriage seems to not be an option for a while because I'm from an area where gay marriage is banned. Anyway when do you think is an appropiate time to have a sexual relationship with someone when you aren't even permitted to marry them. Just interested in your opinion. Thanks"


Comments for When is it appropriate for a same sex couple to begin a sexual relationship?

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Sep 06, 2011
The spiritual aspect is important too
by: hal

Interesting but seems like one thing is missing in your reply, though perhaps you didn't intend on your answer being for Christians only. The church has long taught that the purpose of marriage is to bring the two people into a deeper relationship with God so it's not just about knowing one another or loving one another or being sexually faithful to one another.

It's about growing together in love of God and faith in Jesus Christ. That is the hallmark of Christian marriage and what sets it apart from general marriage.

Feb 21, 2012
Was God careless about what He put in the Bible?
by: Brandi

I am in a committed lesbian relationship although I was raised that it is wrong. I have lost my family per se and am very hurt. It does say EVERY man have his own wife and EVERY vice versa. It doesn't say except the five percent of u who are gay.

That leaves me thinking that that would mean that because we are a small %,he didn't feel it necessary to address us and that's hard to believe since he loves each of us. I can't imagine God leaving out instructions on this lifestyle and including so many for heteros,especially since he could obviously foresee the confusion,debates,heartache and hatred that we know today.

Why wouldn't he just include a sentence or two in the whole text confirming that its okay rather than being elusive and leaving it up to translators to decide the meaning of one or two words so that we would feel justified (or not)? I just don't think he would be that careless do u?

Rick's comment: Hi Brandi- Thanks for your good questions. I encourage you to read the pages Linked at the bottom of the article plus my answer here.

1. There is a difference between (a) taking the Bible literally whenever possible (which is the right way to interpret scripture) and (b) an inflexible literalism which leads us to conclusions God never intended.

2. For example, there are only a few kinds of transportation mentioned in the Bible: walking, riding an animal, riding in a vehicle pulled by an animal (like a chariot or an oxcart) and riding in a boat.

If we employ the logic you suggest, that if the Bible doesn't say it specifically, then we can't do it, none of us could drive a car, ride a motorcycle, fly in an airplane, ride a train or bus. Inflexible literalism would prevent us using those modern forms of transportation because the Bible never mentions them.

3. There are only a few kinds of heating mentioned in the Bible, like camp fires, Acts 28:2. Should we conclude that electric heat or gas heat is unBiblical and against God's intention for us?

4. There are only a few kinds of fabrics mentioned in the Bible. The Bible never says we may wear polyester or rayon or dacron or permanent press or fiberfill in winter. We KNOW wearing those must be wrong because the Bible never mentions them, so goes the argument.

My point is, we don't apply your logic to other topics and I believe it is wrong to apply that logic to gay partnerships.

5. God is the one who included the long, detailed, same sex love story of David and Jonathan in the Bible. God is the one who four times told us they loved each other as their own souls. God is the one who put such heavy emphasis on their story. God is the one who used Hebrew words which indicate romantic love to describe their relationship.

6. The Bible reflects the time and culture in which it was written. Scripture does not tell us about nuclear power, electricity, rockets to the moon, open heart surgery or a myriad of other modern things.

Instead, God gives us timeless truth, principles to guide our lives in any age.

It grieves my heart that your family has rejected you because you are in a committed lesbian relationship. They are wrong to do that, perhaps following some pastor's tough love advice. I hope that, in time, they will repent and again treat you like family.

There are more than 500 pages of information on this website which explain why the goofy anti-gay viewpoint is wrong. I hope you will explore those as you learn and grow, as you study the scriptures to discover what God has for you.

There are more than 330 pages of helpful Bible studies on our FREE downloads page, near the top of the NavBar.

Jun 11, 2012
You are a false teacher
by: Anonymous

I think your response to this questions is completely wrong. You are a false teacher and satan is using you and your words to mislead others. God does directly speak against homosexuality and there is no way you can take His word ambiguously. Have you not read 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Leviticus 18:22 or Leviticus 20:13.

Rick's comment:I'm sorry you are too lazy to read and believe the truth. If your laziness abates, click on any link on the NavBar under, What The Bible Says.

Go makes it pretty clear his feelings on homosexuality. you cannot take those verses and tell people that God chose to not talk about homosexuality. It is plain and simple. Homosexuality is wrong, it is a sin, and it is not acceptable by God.

Rick's comment: Your ignorance is appalling, all the more so because it is shared by so many anti-gay Christians.

You are correct, however, that God did creat his chidlren with a desire and need for sexuality, BUT he did NOT create a woman for a woman and a man for a man (have you not looked at your anatomy).

Rick's comment: Are you this blissfully unaware of truth, so startlingly obtuse in other areas of your life?

He also designated sex as a gift of marriage, NOT a committed relationship. If a man and a woman had premarital sex, they would be sinning and need forgiveness. Same if a man had premarital sex with a man, same sin. Further more, marriage is between a man and woman, so homosexuals should never be premitted to marry- it is a disgrace for the institution of marriage and an embarrassment for those of us in a marriage designed by God...

Rick's comment: Sorry we've embarrassed you. We've been busy trying to stay out of Commandant Worley's concentration camps.

Like I said before, sex is a gift for marriage not a nessecity for a fullfilling life.

Rick's comment: Yet God disagrees with you in Genesis 2:18-24.

Jun 09, 2015
Marriage is a covenant
by: Aaron Saltzer

I think marriage is a covenant before God. I think needing to get legally married is more of a worldly thing, that I don't think existed in Biblical times. There are common-law marriages, where if two people who are lovers live together for one year, they're considered married, but they need to recognize it.

I know people who are in committed relationships and do or do not live with their partners. I do think that The Bible encourages a man to leave his parents and cleave unto his wife though. I know of no married couple that don't live together.

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