My homosexuality led me to become a Christian!
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Right around the time I realized I was gay, I figured, what's the point? If I'm going to hell regardless of how much I love God, or try to be a good person, why bother? I gave up completely. I wanted nothing to do with Christianity despite years of Catholic upbringing. I drank a lot, experimented with drugs and had a lot of promiscuous sex. There wasn't anything I thought about except myself.
Then I met Rose. It was our first date and she didn't know anything about me, including whether or not I believed in God. We were having a glass of wine and chatting at her house, and she was playing Christian music in the background.
Out of nowhere, she said to me, "Um, I have to tell you something, and you are going to think I'm absolutely crazy." I reassured her it would be fine, and she then said the three words that completely changed my life. She said, "Jesus misses you." And those words hit a chord in my soul. I cried for over an hour.
That night I told God, "Okay, you want me in church, fine. I'm working a double on Sunday and I need it off." Fast forward about 5 or 6 days. It was 10 p.m. on a Saturday night and my boss called. He asked if I wanted Sunday night off, and I said yes, thinking it would be a great beach day. Then he told me to just take the whole day off. I was shocked, and made sure I went to church the next day.
I didn't get saved until a few years later though. I went to Rose's great niece's christening. I heard this beautiful music, and it was one of the only times I didn't want to leave church. I just wasn't supposed to leave, but I did.
I needed to help set up for the after party. The next week I asked Rose if she wanted to go to church but she couldn't. So I went alone. I had no idea where this church was, and I was already running late. Both of those things would have typically made me just go home. But I made it there on time.
I enjoyed everything so much that day. Something happened at the end. I had no intention of going up for an alter call but it was like someone was moving my feet. I don't remember much about it, except for bawling uncontrollably at John 3:16.
I went back to the same church the following week, and there was a different pastor. During the service, he pointed to me and came to see me. He said the sinners prayer with me and whispered in my ear (he did not know me), you've been praying about your relationship with a woman, here is your answer. And I kid you not, I was slain in the spirit right there.
I'm very shy, so I would never ever wish that on myself, but it happened. And now I know something I didn't know before. Jesus Christ is real. He died for my sins. And Jesus Christ missed me, and loves me. There's nothing anyone could ever tell me that would make me believe otherwise. If God had an issue with my sexuality, and was handing me over to my passions, he certainly wouldn't use it to bring me to Him. God loves me! And God is okay with gay people.
Being gay and Christian has really been difficult. I feel torn apart at every angle. Gay people think I'm nuts. Christians think I'm going to hell. And all this talk about homosexuality in the news and stuff makes me want to vomit.
Everyday I need to remind myself God loves me. I try to set an example for my gay friends, and try to discuss it with Christians that don't understand. My heart hurts for other gay people that felt the same way I did. And my heart hurts for Christians that get labeled as bigots for their faith. I want to be the person that proves them all wrong. It takes so much courage and strength to be a gay Christian when neither side is your side. Maybe if I'm a great gay Christian, they will see the light.
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