It took a few years to get there

by Abby
(Collegeville, PA)




I can't pinpoint the exact time when I became a Christian. I grew up in a strong Christian household and raised in the church and with parents that taught me from the Bible. My memories of my childhood are somewhat sketchy despite me only being in college, but I know that as early as elementary school, Jesus owned my heart.

Starting in middle school, approximately eighth grade, I started to notice that I was attracted to girls. My family had taught me that homosexuality is wrong, so I repressed these feelings, not allowing myself to think of a romantic relationship with anyone since I wasn't interested in boys. Well, anyone with a basic under-standing of the human mind can tell you how well repression works out. The answer is that I did find myself attracted to girls still despite my best efforts.

I went through high school and met some friends that were open to homosexuality - straight but not narrow. I did a lot of self-reflection and self-hatred, but that eventually evolved into me accepting myself the way God made me - attracted to other girls.

I first came out to a close bisexual friend I have at the end of my senior year. She was very supportive given that she deals with a similar situation. Then I went to college and stayed in the closet there. I eventually told a close guy friend, but the secret stayed between us. After entering counseling at college, I began talking to my counselor about my sexuality.

Second semester I found a girl that was in much of the same boat as I was, though I didn't know it at the time. We'd been friends for many months and never talked about sexuality. Eventually we found that we had a mutual attraction toward one another and started a relationship.

At first I was terrified to tell anyone. I started with a couple close friends, but eventually people came up to my girlfriend and I asking if we were together. We decided to tell more people and it got around campus fairly quickly that way. By the end of the semester, we were pretty much out.

We've yet to come out to our parents, but almost everyone else in our lives knows. I just pray that our parents will be as understanding as the majority of other people we've encountered.

I've been able to accept that Christians can be gay because those two things are in no way opposites. God created me to love girls just as he created my mom to love my dad. We are tools of God's love and to deny that purpose by repressing is going against God's will. I hope someday to have as strong of a marriage in Christ as my parents have.



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