How do you know if you're homosexual?

by Norajune
(Connecticut)

Rick Brentlinger Answers -

Our wonderful God created us as complex beings who need emotional, physical and spiritual companionship to thrive. Answering the question, How do you know if you're homosexual? is like answering the question, How do you know if you like ice cream?

Most heterosexuals never wrestle with the question about homosexuality just as most homosexuals don't wrestle with the question, How do you know if you're heterosexual?

Which relationship best meets the needs of your heart? What most appeals to you? Are your emotional, physical (sexual) and spiritual needs met by a man? If the answer is yes then you are heterosexual.

Are your emotional, physical (sexual) and spiritual needs best met by a woman? Then you are a lesbian.

Which feels most like coming home to you, spending the rest of your life with a man or spending the rest of your life with a woman?

I do not believe that abuse suffered as a child or rape as a teenager makes someone become gay or lesbian. However those tragic situations can sometimes create confusion and cause one to question one's sexual orientation.

The best advice we can give you is to walk in the Spirit, Galatians 5:16, trust God, be patient, do not jump into another relationship and abstain from sexual relationships until the Lord provides you with the answers you seek.

Of course, if you are currently married, then you are perfectly free to continue the sexual relationship with your husband.

"Be still and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10, KJV

God has answers for many of our questions IF we are willing to wait on Him and immerse ourselves in His written word. We live in a 7-11 culture where we want answers and we want them NOW. Learning to wait on God is one of the most difficult spiritual disciplines to learn but it is necessary if we are to live each day with the peace of God in our heart.

Focus on discovering what God has made you to be. It is possible that you are what some people refer to as bisexual - capable of being emotionally and relationally attracted to both men and women. If that is what God eventually shows you, then you will need to decide which attraction is right for you to focus on now.

I do not know if you are a Christian and so I encourage you to take the Good Person Test. Watch the brief 4 minute video and trust Jesus Christ as your Savior if you have not already done that. God loves you with an everlasting love and He longs for you to walk in fellowship with Him.

"“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
Psalm 46:1, KJV

Helpful Links

Our Mission as gay Christians.

Our Ethos as gay Christians.

Bible study resources for gay Christians.

Norajune's original question:

How do you know if you're homosexual? When I was a teen I was raped by my boyfriend and within a year had a homosexual relationship with another woman. I had one other relationship with a woman when I was 21 yrs old but between those relationships, I was with men and since then I have married a man.

My marriage is failing and I'm finding myself thinking about women again. How do I know if I'm bisexual (which doesn't sit well with me, simply because I want it to be one or the other) or a Lesbian?