How can I tell if I'm gay or bisexual?

by 'A' from
(central California)



There are a number of ways to tell if you're gay or bisexual. I'll do my best to give a thoughtful answer with the hope that other readers will also provide insightful answers. Jump to A's original question.

As I understand it, being gay means you are romantically, emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically attracted to a same sex partner. In other words its not just about sex.

Its about relating to the whole person in a way you are unable to relate to someone of the opposite sex. Gay people in general do not experience those partnership attractions for someone of the opposite sex.

Being heterosexual means you are romantically, emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically attracted to an opposite sex partner. In general you do not experience those partnership attractions for someone of the same sex.

Being bisexual means you are capable of romantic, emotional, physical, spiritual and psychological attraction to same sex or opposite sex partners.

At 16, its not easy to sort out exactly where you fit, gay, heterosexual or bisexual. Some people are absolutely certain they are gay while others are absolutely certain they are heterosexual. Some people know early in life and some people wrestle with the issue until they are sure.

The important thing right now is to develop strong platonic friendships with girls and guys. At this stage of your life its more important to have friends of both sexes and to be a friend, Proverbs 18:24, than to try to figure out what the rest of your life will look like.

Don't allow social or religious expectations to tell you what you are. What you are comes from inside you, in your heart.

What you are first is a born again Christian, a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ, Galatians 3:26. As a Christian you are already "seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus," Ephesians 2:6.

What you are second is a disciple, a follower of Jesus, Matthew 4:19. That is more important than being gay or bisexual or heterosexual. Those items are just descriptors - they describe you like saying you have blond hair or green eyes or that you're left handed.

What you are third is a beloved son and grandson. God gave you a loving family to nurture and guide you as you grow to be an adult.

And somewhere after those things you may be gay, bisexual or heterosexual. Figuring out which of those you are depends on the whole range of attractions I listed above and you will discover that over time. You might try a little psychological test. Ask yourself:

How can I tell if I like ice cream?


People who like ice cream usually eat ice cream, enjoy ice cream, are not grossed out at the thought of an ice cream cone or a milk shake made with ice cream.

People who don't like ice cream don't go to Baskin Robbins and order an ice cream cone. People who don't like ice cream don't buy gallons of ice cream and carry it home to eat while watching TV. It sounds simplistic but you know if you're gay or bisexual or heterosexual on the same basis.
  1. Heterosexuals are mostly attracted to the opposite sex.

  2. Homosexuals are mostly attracted to the same sex.

  3. Bisexuals are capable of being attracted to either sex.

Additional Information


How do you know if you're homosexual?

Why are some people homosexual?

Can you give some practical advice about gay relationships?

What can I do when my heart is torn between a man and a woman?

If you're a gay Christian does God still love you?

Since gay couples cannot legally marry is sex in a committed relationship sin?

Original Question:

"I'm a 16 year old gay christian. I know for sure that I'm either gay or bisexual. I would like to know if there is a way for me to tell that I'm either gay or bisexual. I would appreciate any advice or information that you may give me, Thank you."

Comments for How can I tell if I'm gay or bisexual?

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Jun 30, 2010
Thank you for answering my question
by: 'A'

Thank you for answering my question. I know that God will not condemn me to hell and that I will be in heaven with my Lord and Saviour, but I'm still trying to sort out my feelings before coming out to my Mom.

Jul 25, 2010
Here's some helpful Coming Out information
by: Rick Brentlinger

I admire the thoughtful way you're dealing with this aspect of your life. Day by day our Lord will show you what to do.

As you work toward the day you come out to your Mom, here is some helpful information to point you in the right direction.

Coming Out 101 explains some of the reactions you may get and how to deal with the issues as a growing Christian.

God bless you A!!!

Sep 08, 2011
How can I focus myself toward the opposite sex?
by: Anonymous

How can I focus myself toward the opposite sex? Officially I'm attracted to my same sex but every time I see someone who is handsome, I cannot stop myself staring at him.

This is what I feel. I'm Christian but time comes that I am carried away by my feelings. I need help.

Sep 09, 2011
Innate sexual orientation does not change
by: Rick Brentlinger

It is important to point out that your innate sexual orientation does not change. Innate heterosexuals do not become gay and innate gays do not become heterosexual. Is it possible to change your sexual orientation?

If you are still a teenager or at any age, you can definitely focus on becoming friends with girls as well as guys or guys as well as girls. Sometimes a girl may be the best friend for a guy even if you are not romantically attracted to her.

It is wise to develop friendships with girls and with guys. Don't limit your circle of friends to just guys. And if you're a girl, don't limit your circle of friends to just girls.

Life is an adventure, an exciting journey into the unknown, where we get to experience lots of fun things and lots of challenging things. On that journey, you'll need guy friends and girl friends. Both make the journey more fun and both make your life richer with their unique insights.

Life is also about direction and self-control and self-discipline. Just as we don't have to attend every argument we're invited to, we also don't have to allow ourselves to get carried away by our feelings.

Our feelings are meant to be governed, to be controlled by our common sense and our innate knowledge of right and wrong. As you "walk in the Spirit," Galatians 5:16, God will help you control your feelings and your thoughts, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Philippians 4:6-8.

There is a right time to get sexual with someone you love. That right time is when you two are a couple in your eyes, in the eyes of God and your families and your community. When is it appropriate for a same sex couple to begin a sexual relationship?

As always, it is helpful to know for sure that you are saved by grace alone through faith alone in Jesus Christ alone.

Oct 03, 2011
Love God so much
by: Anonymous

I just wish we could be loved by everyone else and not judged. I know god loves us but the looks I get, it hurts.

Jan 06, 2012
what?
by: Ariela

This doesn't even make sense. You can't have it both ways. Its like your making up an excuse for your behavior. I am in no way saying God doesn't love you. He does but this is confusing. It says in the bible that man cannot lay with another man as he would a woman. So why would you write that its ok?

Jan 05, 2013
i dont know if im gay bi or straight
by: darren

ok since i was like 12 iv thought of being with guys but i never have couse i didnt want people thankin im a freak or somethen but on one side i feel gay an my otherside i feel straight but i just cant figgerout what i wanna be im just so confuzed and i was hopeing to have some help

Rick's comment: Hi Darren. Thanks for stopping by. I don't know how old you are but I admire you for wanting to work through these issues. The Lord will show you His will if you'll seek Him with an obedient heart.

I encourage you to reread the post that started this page plus these pages I'll link to. As you read, make a list of ways to know if you're gay, bi or straight. Doing that will give you some helpful hints to know if you're gay, bi or straight. I hope this is helpful to you Darren.

1. How do you know if you're homosexual?

2. What are some hints to know if I'm gay?

3. Can bisexuals have a wife and a husband?

4. What can I do when my heart is torn between a man and a woman?

5. Can you tell me how to get saved?

Jan 14, 2014
Is it possible to pray the gay away?
by: Will

I am a 17 year old senior in high school and I realized I was gay a year ago after a few years of denial. I hate myself for being gay and my faith in God has decreased a lot because of how everybody around me sees it as a sin and a ticket to hell.

Even though that this site claims that you can't cure homosexuality, I keep on seeing "Ex gay testimonies" and people who claim to have been rescued from homosexuality after struggling with it for numerous years on Google and Youtube. I wonder if God can pray the gay out of me too?

Rick's comment: Hello Will - No, it is not possible to pray the gay away. Exodus International shut down their exgay operation in June 2013 because they finally decided to be honest and admit that no one of the many thousands who went through their ministry was able to change from gay to straight.

I encourage you to trust Jesus as your personal Savior from sin and from hell and then trust God to show you how to please Him one day at a time. Don't listen to the nattering nabobs of negativism who say you cannot be gay and Christian. Read our Gay Christian FAQ for more info. Many thanks for stopping by.

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