How can I tell if I'm gay or bisexual?
by 'A' from
(central California)
There are a number of ways to tell if you're gay or bisexual. I'll do my best to give a thoughtful answer with the hope that other readers will also provide insightful answers. Jump to A's original question.
As I understand it, being gay means you are romantically, emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically attracted to a same sex partner. In other words its not just about sex.
Its about relating to the whole person in a way you are unable to relate to someone of the opposite sex. Gay people in general do not experience those partnership attractions for someone of the opposite sex.
Being heterosexual means you are romantically, emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically attracted to an opposite sex partner. In general you do not experience those partnership attractions for someone of the same sex.
Being bisexual means you are capable of romantic, emotional, physical, spiritual and psychological attraction to same sex or opposite sex partners.
At 16, its not easy to sort out exactly where you fit, gay, heterosexual or bisexual. Some people are absolutely certain they are gay while others are absolutely certain they are heterosexual. Some people know early in life and some people wrestle with the issue until they are sure.
The important thing right now is to develop strong platonic friendships with girls and guys. At this stage of your life its more important to have friends of both sexes and to be a friend, Proverbs 18:24, than to try to figure out what the rest of your life will look like.
Don't allow social or religious expectations to tell you what you are. What you are comes from inside you, in your heart.
What you are first is a born again Christian, a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ, Galatians 3:26. As a Christian you are already "seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus," Ephesians 2:6.
What you are second is a disciple, a follower of Jesus, Matthew 4:19. That is more important than being gay or bisexual or heterosexual. Those items are just descriptors - they describe you like saying you have blond hair or green eyes or that you're left handed.
What you are third is a beloved son and grandson. God gave you a loving family to nurture and guide you as you grow to be an adult.
And somewhere after those things you may be gay, bisexual or heterosexual. Figuring out which of those you are depends on the whole range of attractions I listed above and you will discover that over time. You might try a little psychological test. Ask yourself:
How can I tell if I like ice cream?
People who like ice cream usually eat ice cream, enjoy ice cream, are not grossed out at the thought of an ice cream cone or a milk shake made with ice cream.
People who don't like ice cream don't go to Baskin Robbins and order an ice cream cone. People who don't like ice cream don't buy gallons of ice cream and carry it home to eat while watching TV. It sounds simplistic but you know if you're gay or bisexual or heterosexual on the same basis.
- Heterosexuals are mostly attracted to the opposite sex.
- Homosexuals are mostly attracted to the same sex.
- Bisexuals are capable of being attracted to either sex.
Additional Information
How do you know if you're homosexual?Why are some people homosexual?Can you give some practical advice about gay relationships?What can I do when my heart is torn between a man and a woman?If you're a gay Christian does God still love you?Since gay couples cannot legally marry is sex in a committed relationship sin?Original Question:
"I'm a 16 year old gay christian. I know for sure that I'm either gay or bisexual. I would like to know if there is a way for me to tell that I'm either gay or bisexual. I would appreciate any advice or information that you may give me, Thank you."
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