Can bisexuals have a wife and a husband at the same time?

by Drew
(Oakland, CA)

Rick Brentlinger Answers -

Your question touches on the issue of Christian discipleship - obeying God even when obedience is difficult. While you are definitely in the minority, I'm sure you are not alone in wondering if its okay to have a husband and a wife.

The Bible instructs Christians: "Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God." -Romans 13:1

Romans 13:1-7 describes the duty of Christians to obey civil government. It was written while notorious Nero was Roman Emperor and engaged in persecuting Christians. Many Christians including gay Christians find this a difficult passage to obey since civil government is sometimes unfair and unjust.

Although it is sometimes onerous and difficult, we may obey civil government when it does not legislate against direct commands of God. There are instances where we are free to disobey civil government such as Acts 4:1-20 because God is the Ultimate Judge of the Universe. The disciples were told they could not speak or preach in Jesus' Name. They chose to disobey the Jewish civil and religious authority and continued to preach in Jesus' Name in spite of the prohibition. More in depth information is available at:
Barnes Notes, Romans 13:1ff.

Acts 4:1-20
"And as they spake unto the people, the priests, and the captain of the temple, and the Sadducees, came upon them,
Being grieved that they taught the people, and preached through Jesus the resurrection from the dead.
And they laid hands on them, and put them in hold unto the next day: for it was now eventide...
And it came to pass on the morrow, that their rulers, and elders, and scribes, And Annas the high priest, and Caiaphas, and John, and Alexander, and as many as were of the kindred of the high priest, were gathered together at Jerusalem.
And when they had set them in the midst, they asked, By what power, or by what name, have ye done this...
Be it known unto you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom ye crucified, whom God raised from the dead, even by him doth this man stand here before you whole...
Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved...
And they called them, and commanded them not to speak at all nor teach in the name of Jesus.
But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard." -Acts 4:1-20

In my opinion, wanting to have both a wife and a husband does not fall into the category where it would be okay to disobey civil government under the rubric that you were instead, obeying God.

"Bigamy - The criminal offense of having two or more wives or husbands at the same time. The wilful contracting of a second marriage when the contracting party knows that the first is still subsisting; or it is the state of a man who has two wives, or of a woman who has two hushands living at the same time.

When the man has more than two wives, or the woman more than two hushands living at the same time, then the party is said to have committed polygamy, but the name of bigamy is more frequently given to this offence in legal proceedings."

I believe you're going to have to choose. You need to work out what God wants you to do and seek His guidance about the individual with whom you will spend your life. That may be a woman and it may be a man. There is information here about knowing the will of God and related information at the Links below.

The MacArthur Bible Commentary, One Volume, 2040 pages, is a very affordable and very helpful book when you're looking for Bible answers.




How can I tell if I'm gay or bisexual?

What advice do you have for a Mormon who is heterosexually married and struggling with gay feelings?

Did God intend men or women to have committed same sex marriage partnerships?

Why is it biblically wrong for a heterosexually married person to have a gay relationship outside of marriage?

How do you know if you're homosexual?

We've answered the question: Can bisexuals have a wife and a husband at the same time? Click here to return to Gay Christian 101 Home Page.

Drew's Original Question:

"I am 80% gay and 20% bi-cuious. Due to my mother dying of breast cancer when I was thirteen, I have huge issues of abandonment with women. I have been working on these issues and slowly am opening myself up to healing the mother wound. Until this issue is resolved, I refuse to be "gay" by default.

I have fallen in love with women emotionally for most of my life, but have yet to make that leap, because as a fundamental Christian growing up, it was drilled into me not to have sex with women before marriage. My stance now is that I refuse to "use" a woman as a lab experiment and I know that sexuality is more than just the physical stimulation of parts, it encompasses the whole being and should I ever have sexual relations with a woman, I want it to be someone I am in love with.

So, what happens if I found out that I am bisexual? I have always had this weird daydream about having a wife and a husband at the same time? Is that available to a Christian, or am I going to have to choose? Your thoughts?"