A Gay Christian's Coming Out

by Kristyn
(Florida)

Ever since I was little I was brought up in church. I had attended on Sundays, and during the summer for Vacation Bible School, and participated in a youth group. I, like any Christian, had my ups and downs, but remained strong in my faith. However, while growing up, it was made clear to me that homosexuality was a sin, and anyone who was gay was to go to hell.

Naturally that freaked me out. At the time I had a few friends who were openly gay, and I was worried for them. I wondered why God would put such a limit on love, just because of gender. Wasn't it the person we loved, not the body? They just as easily could have been born the other gender, and being of one sex shouldn't make loving them wrong. In the end we were all people, weren't we?

And so, I continued to say "Homosexuality is wrong," as told to me by my parents, to anyone who asked, while inwardly believing "Love is love, regardless of gender."

My predicament came to its peak when I met the most wonderful girl I had ever known. She was smart, humorous and sweet; and always watched out for me. Our friendship grew until I finally admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with her. I had never considered myself a lesbian but had never actually forbidden myself from it. She was attractive, in both mind and body. Why should I not be with her?

The problem was my parents. For several months I dated her in secrecy, until one night they furiously set upon me with strange questions about our relationship. I was never one for lying, so I told them I was dating her. Instantly they became disgusted, and forbade me from seeing her ever again. And what could I do?

They were my parents, and I, still being in school, was in no shape to move out just yet. For several months I could not see her. My only mode of communication was the phone and computer. She consoled me, assuring me that she would wait, and that it didn't change anything. During these months my heath took a downward turn. I was often sick with grief, and my parents watched me for signs of self-mutilation. I wondered if this was God's punishment.

After all, my mother told me that the only reason I liked her was that I was "being tempted by the devil." But why didn't I feel wrong? I had always been a good child, and when I did something wrong, like lie, I felt bad. But, being with my girlfriend didn't strike me as wrong. However, the more my parents claimed it was wrong, the more I dwelt on it. News leaked out to my friends and my church about my 'lesbian relationship.'

On Sunday, when I attended youth group with my girlfriend, I was greeted with strange looks. No longer did the church welcome me. They wouldn't openly state it but they showed it. I wasn't included in activities they did. Even the youth director and his wife were distant with me. Once, the director came up to me, and said I was too close to my 'friend.'

Heartbroken, I didn't return to church, and began questioning if it was really all worth it. My girlfriend stayed by me, assuring me it would be alright. Today, I have located a gay friendly church through my cousin (who has several close gay friends) and I plan on attending. My girlfriend, who is now my fiance, sees me regularly at college, as well as on the weekends. Our wedding is set for this summer. As for my parents, they are slowly accepting it, which is understandable. I'm sure that in a few years, they might even be totally used to it.